It became pretty obvious that I was going to have to take a different approach to this, so using what is bound to be one of the most awkward-sounding workarounds in the history of awkward sounding workarounds I decided to just load it into iMovie and use the built-in YouTube uploader. This did actually happen.
Here's the export once it started working -
As you can tell, there is plenty of work left to be done!
Firstly is the quality - this is poor in the current version because I am impatient and I wanted to upload something reasonably quickly, so I knocked it down in iMovie. The raw files are 1080p HD, as will the project be once we've finalised it.
The next thing to note is the shaky camera; unfortunately we will not have the opportunity to reshoot most of the shots considering Oliver now lives in a faraway land. I am currently in the process of looking to see if there are any possible ways of working around this in post-production, will update if successful.
Sound - mentioned this one before; we need to record some overdubs for the dialogue. The non-diegetic BGM seems to be working well though.
1:23 - as I'd predicted before from the patterns we'd noticed upon exporting the prelim the lag in Final Cut is actually making us believe you see less of the shot than you actually do. This particular shot needs trimming down, methinks.
1:37 - holy glitches! Not sure what happened here, will need to look into it. Seems like the transition didn't render properly. This part also needs an angelic chorus sound dubbed over for humorous effect.
1:51 - same again, possibly need to do something about the rendering on the filter.
2:23 - this part hasn't wanted to play nice at all for some reason, we may have to remove it from the timeline then put it back on.